Today I realized I’ve come a really long way. Ten years ago, Jeff and I wanted to start a family. We struggled with infertility for 8 years. Each new friend that was pregnant made my heart ache. The emotions of feeling happy for my friend, but at the same time feeling so incredibly sad that we weren’t able to have our own was overwhelming at times. If you’ve been there, you know exactly what I’m talking about. And if you haven’t, you can imagine the pain I felt. Infertility is a loss, and you walk through a very real grieving process. Anger, depression, sadness, and emptiness were just a few of the emotions I felt throughout those 8 years.
I remember the day so clearly in 2006 when God began to take the pain away, and I shed my very last tear over not being able to get pregnant. “Enough is enough…I’m so tired of crying over this Lord, please take this pain away and heal my heart.” It was only a few months later that we started down the long road towards foster/adoption and began a new journey. Looking back I wouldn’t change my journey, my very own story for anything. I realize that it was difficult, overwhelming and at times unbearable, but without these struggles I wouldn’t be the woman I am today, and we wouldn’t have the children that God has so graciously blessed us with.
Pregnancy photos make me smile. Although I’ve never been pregnant myself, I love how a woman carrying a child in her womb glows and smiles knowing that soon she will hold her child tenderly in her arms. It’s a beautiful moment in time, that goes so fast. One of my best friends came down to visit this weekend. She recently moved up to the Bay area, and I’ve missed her so much. She was my co-worker for over 6 years, and a friend that walked beside me in my journey of infertility and adoption. She’s the sweetest person you’ll ever meet, and will be such a loving mother. I’m so happy for Lisa and her husband and can’t wait to meet her little man.